The ladies at my church recently decided to meet for Tuesday night Bible study. The book of choice was going to Max Lucado’s Facing Your Giants. No problem there. Lucado is a great writer and always has an interesting read, regardless of the subject. There is also nothing I love more than gathering with other Spirit-led women. I am inspired and uplifted by other Christian women and I believe it is always important to build yourself a great network of them.
As we delved into this book about giants and problems we all face, I found myself thinking this wasn’t the Bible study for me. I would continue to read the book and attend the meetings because the fellowship was tremendous. As far as what I needed right now in my life, however, this wasn’t it. I’ve been a Christian a long time and I know all this stuff. I know to lean not on my own understanding and keep my eyes on God. I know that if I focus on my giant, it will be overwhelming. I know that God can take impossible situations and bring me out on top. I know all of this. Or at least I thought I did.
During discussion of the book in the second meeting, Brenda, our group leader, shared a very deep and personal story of her own struggle. It was a huge struggle with forgiveness. Funny, I didn’t get that out of the first four chapters. Where was this coming from? But as she shared, I saw what an unconquerable giant unforgiveness can be. I realized that despite how much I knew, I couldn’t control how I felt. No matter how many scriptures I can quote, they mean nothing without a right heart.
I also realized that of all the giants I’ve ever faced, unforgiveness was among the mightiest. It was Goliath, standing in a field, calling to me, mocking me. And I, in all my piety, hid from it. I shoved it deep down inside and never looked back. I told myself I had forgiven the person who had shaken the church I was raised in, who hurt so many of my family and friends. I even spoke well of him if asked, and took my son to their Vacation Bible School. I hid it so well; I didn’t even realize the giant still existed. But it did.
As Brenda spoke that night, God spoke to me. He was calling me out. Showing me that even though I had shoved those hurt feelings into the deepest crevasse of my heart, they were still taking up space in the heart I had dedicated to Him. I had promised Him my all, but instead I was packing away old feelings of resentment in the space I’d allotted Him.
When my husband and I moved to Columbia last year, we came across a lot of old stuff we’d forgotten about. Boxes shoved in the attic or stacked in the shed. The same was true with the “boxes” God was pointing out. The buyers of our old house didn’t want any of our junk left behind anymore than God does. And, the thing that moved me the most wasn’t the humbling I felt after God spoke to me, but the fact that He loves me so much, so completely, that He wants every square inch of me. Sure, God can use anyone to do anything, despite our hang-ups and our “hang-ons,” but He wants all of me. He loves me so much that He wants all of me.
Needless to say I spent many hours in prayer after that. I’d like to say all of those ugly feelings disappeared immediately, vanishing without a trace. But I’m still working on it by surrendering them to the Lord. The difference? I’m aware of the giant now. I’m answering back with God’s Word. Words like David used when he faced his giant, Goliath. “I come in the name of the Lord of hosts…This day will the Lord deliver thee into mine hand; and I will smite thee… that all the earth may know that there is a God in Israel” (I Samuel 17:45-46 KJV).
Are you still moving around old boxes that need to go? Maybe something from childhood; possibly a remark from your wedding day; anything that takes up the space God wants so badly in your heart. God can take care if them for you. He can help you find them and sort through them. You’ll feel lighter and God will have more room to work in your life. Give Him a call today!
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